Traci S Campbell

The C.H.A.M.P. Experiment is an exciting new teen reality show and documentary that will air first in Houston, TX this Fall 2010. This video is an introduction to the reality show, the author and advocate, Traci S. Campbell as well as the emotional and mental challenges facing teens and single parents in this generation. The C.H.A.M.P. Experiment will show how employing ‘The C.H.A.M.P. Within’ program will help change the lives of these teens and their families. It will reward teens for their hard work, challenges and efforts. My team will help to make “dreams come true” for each of these teens and their families. Learn more about The C.H.A.M.P. Within Book / Program and how to get your copy!

The new poster girl for abstinence?

“I can’t believe I’m saying this — don’t have sex,” gushed the 24-year-old pop sensation in an interview with Britain’s Daily Mail. Lady Gaga, the “Madonna” of Generation Y and who has made wearing inanimate objects into a new fashion trend, continued, “it’s okay not to have sex, it’s okay to get to know people. I’m single right now and I’ve chosen to be single because I don’t have the time to get to know anybody. I’m celibate, celibacy’s fine.”

I continued to read on as she later elaborated on her message, “Something I do want to celebrate with my fans is that it’s okay to be whomever it is that you want to be. You don’t have to have sex to feel good about yourself, and if you’re not ready, don’t do it.” She then adds, “And if you are ready, there are free condoms given away at my concerts when you’re leaving!”

Hmmm….after reading that article several questions came to my mind. I wondered…do we have a clear understanding of what celibacy really means? While Lady Gaga may be celibate in her personal life (although her music, performances, etc. are laced with ultra sexual references), is she really promoting “monogamy”, instead of abstinence, to teens and tweens  by giving out condoms after her concerts? While the “safe sex” gesture is very much appreciated, is it also sending mix messages to teens and tweens about when to have sex? And what are we REALLY telling our young teens and tweens is acceptable, respectful, and moral behavior towards themselves and others?

Okay, let me put on my “dweeb” hat for a minute, here. By definition (according to Webster’s dictionary), “celibacy” is properly defined as “abstention from sexual relations” and “the state of being unmarried”. So, it is safe to say that true celibacy is “steering clear of sexual relations until you are married”. But, is this the definition teens and tweens are actually receiving?

Since teens and tweens idolize and follow celebrities like many adults follow the stock market, we need to give a very close look at how celebrities are promoting this term (since the “in” thing now is the building momentum of the trend of young Christian stars like The Jonas Brothers, Jordan Sparks, and Miley Cyrus). However, to many celebrities, being celibate simply means to “only have sex with my boyfriend or girlfriend” and not engage in random sexual encounters. Well, that may promote “monogamy” to a degree, but based on the proper definition of the word, this is NOT promoting true celibacy for their teen and tween fans.

And keep in mind, the celebrities that most tweens and teens follow are not much older than themselves. These young stars are faced with the same pressures – actually more pressure as they are often called to maintain a sexual image for their livelihood- as their normal everyday counterparts. These young stars are growing up and making the mistakes common in the transition from childhood to adulthood. So, they are just as prone, if not more so, to confuse the proper context of celibacy in their own lives.

So what does all of this mean? Simple…it means we as adults have to be very clear in defining and explaining to our teens and tweens what true celibacy and abstinence entails. We have to be mindful to stress its importance and the MANY advantages that waiting to have sex will have in their lives. And we must make sure they understand that just because their favorite celebrity is touting that they are the new poster child for abstinence, does not mean that they really are. Teens and tweens must be taught to look at the actions and not just the words many celebrities dish out.

That is my two cents….now…what do YOU think? Are our teens being hurt by celebrity “endorsements” of celibacy and abstinence or do you think it is a good thing that celebrities are speaking out on the subject? I can’t wait to see your comments!

Until next time…

Traci

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Part IV: “Who’s the Boss?”

“Live so that when your children think of fairness and integrity, they think of you.”

H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

We have reached the conclusion of the 4-part blog post on ways to instill GREAT character into your tween or teen. We have discussed the basics of values and manners, the importance of quality time, ideas to prepare teens and tweens for proper character in adulthood, and now it is time to talk about establishing boundaries and respect. In order to do this, it is essential that one thing remains very clear:  THE PARENT IS THE ADULT….NOT the teen or tween!  I think the notion of parents being “friends” to their kids is very important and is absolutely needed to foster open and candid communication. However, like so many things these days, this concept has been taken to the far extreme in many cases. It is never okay to blur the lines of “friend” and “parent” so much so that tweens and teens do not consider their parent as the “boss” in the household. The traits of respect, accountability, and reverence are learned when there are clear and distinct roles in the home that teens have to respect. To disrespect or “violate” the proper chain of command and authority in the home should lead to “undesirable consequences” for your teen or tween (hmmm….much like it does in the outside “adult” world too, right?).

Now, I am not advocating “fear” tactics here. What I am suggesting is that a little “old-fashioned” rearing can go a LONG way in not only maintaining respect and peace in the home, but will also prepare your tween and teen to respect others and the laws that govern their outside world as well.

1. Mean what you say… especially when the answer is “NO!”: Teens (well kids in general) will always “test” you. All parents have experienced this at some point. However, to show true love for your teen is keep a “thick skin” and not back down when the answer of “NO” is truly in their best interest. Sometimes saying “no” is actually saying “yes” to their overall safety and well being (despite the temper tantrums, attitudes, and/or silent treatment that may follow).

2. Don’t bury your head in the sand when it comes to your teen: The best way to learn responsibility is to give it and then to enforce punishment when that given responsibility is not taken seriously. While the temptation may be there to offer excuses or offer leniency to your teen, this is actually the worst thing you can do. Ignoring their behavior (when it is disrespectful or inappropriate) won’t solve matters either. Remember…you are preparing another human being for the challenges of the outside world. They will be held accountable out there…so make sure they practice accountability at home as well.

3. Manage their Media: Of course you don’t want to constantly hover over your teen or tween like a vulture circling over fresh carcass, but, you don’t want to be totally oblivious either. When it comes to media (TV, DVDs, Computer related sites), you absolutely want to be “in the know” of what they are taking into their minds (See my blog post “The Un-Safety of Facebook” to understand the consequences of NOT knowing what they may be doing online). It allows opportunities for you to teach and instill the right values as they are exposed to various media content.  And it can also give you insight into their viewing habits and hence the types of things they are mentally focusing upon.

4. Meet and Greet: We are back to another concept that could be deemed “old-fashioned”. However, with the increase in abductions, gang participation, and random acts of violence amongst young adults, being a little old-fashioned can make all the difference in the safety of your tween or teen. It is extremely important to know (or get to know) who their friends and associations are. But you don’t have to turn it into an interrogation. Explain to your teen why it is important and encourage them to think in terms of safety…not a violation of their privacy. It reinforces to your teen that you are serious in your role as their parent AND it helps to shape their thinking to always be mindful of who they associate with and why.

5. And remember who the boss “Really” Is: Whether your teen or tween says it or not….they WANT someone they can look up to. They want and need someone that will make them feel safe and protected. And they want and need someone they can get guidance from especially during the very confusing times of adolescence. To be that person for them, you have to establish your ground as a parent and “boss”…first. In the end, you and your teen (or tween) will be better for it.

I hope you have enjoyed this 4-part blog post on how to instill GREAT character in your tween or teen. Please give us feedback on these posts by leaving your comments.

Until next time…

Blessings!

Traci

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Teens and Tweens face hidden dangers lurking on social media like Facebook

In October of 2009, young Ashleigh Hall did what a lot of teenagers her age do: lie to their parents, sneak off, and meet a young boy or girl for a seemingly innocent romantic rendezvous. However, in Ashleigh’s case, this rendezvous was not innocent nor did it involve a young boy or girl. She, unknowingly, met her demise at the hand of a 32 year old man. [See the full story at: http://www.asiaone.com/Digital/News/Story/A1Story20091028-176414.html]

In a similar fashion, 12 year old Justin Bloxom was lured to what he thought was a romantic meeting with a young girl one night in April 2010. He took a cab to their agreed upon location and was dead just 2 hours later. [Refer to: http://www.bdcradio.com/index.php/2010/04/01/12-year-old-stonewall-boy-killed-due-to-online-predator/]

What do the plight of Ashleigh and Justin have in common? Both of these innocent victims met their “romantic interest” via Facebook and later struck up frequent communications that lead to their early deaths. Unfortunately, these are just two stories in the horribly growing number of deaths and/or abductions because of the lack of safety education teens and tweens have when using social media such as Facebook.

McAfee (as in the company who produces the commonly known McAfee anti-virus software) recently conducted a survey of teens between the ages of 13-17 that sadly supports the fact that the next generation truly has no clue how “unsafe” they are online.

Here is what they found:

69 percent of teens easily revealed their physical location

28 percent engaged in chat sessions with strangers

And to make matters worse, those teens who engaged in conversation online with strangers (folks they did NOT know offline), the following was found:

43 percent gave out their first name
24 percent gave out their email address
18 percent shared photos of themselves
12 percent shared their cell phone number

What’s even scarier is that girls were found to be “easier targets” than boys: 32% of the girls polled revealed that they “talked” with strangers online vs. 24% of boys who were polled.

I do not share this information to terrify you into banning your teens and tweens from the computer forever. But, a bit of “healthy fear” is needed to protect young people. We need to educate them to the reality of online predators and pedophiles out there. If the parents are basically “clueless” to this information, then we surely can not expect teens and tweens to be equipped to handle their selves properly online. In short, parents, and even those who aren’t parents but have relatives who are teenagers or tweens, need to be educated and focused on the issue of online safety and security. Teenagers and tweens need to begin to take more responsibility for their own online safety. Lastly, more monitoring of what types of media kids consume is critical…and, as we see, can prove to be a life or death situation.

Blessings!

Traci

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Becoming a staple in our everyday lives.

I am a true news and information junkie. I can’t help it! My husband says I have “dweeb-ish” tendencies. Basically, he is calling me a “nerd” that absolutely LOVES news, trends, and anything that involves statistics and numbers. Well, he may actually be right! But, while there is a LOT of mindless, useless, “junk” statistics and news reports out there for your mind-numbing pleasure, I truly felt that these  statistics were worth knowing since they involve something that has become as ingrained in our everyday lives as watching TV or going to McDonald’s. Yep, you guessed it – FACEBOOK.

Amongst females, it was the group of women of a “certain age” that are the fastest growing group of females using facebook (48-65 yrs. old).  And, not surprising, the largest group of “facebookers” (can I coin that phrase or is it already taken?) are those between 18-25 years old – closely followed by those between 26-34 years of age.  But, the teen and tween stats are even more interesting:

Overall, the fastest growing group of  facebook users is teen males between 13-17 years old

Over 4.9 million facebook users are females between 13-17 years old

About 3.7 million facebook users are males between 13-17 years old

54% of teens between 13-14 years old have a facebook page

Teens between the ages of 15-17 spend approximately

19.9 hours online every week (that is almost HALF a work week for most adults!)

So why am I spending time here talking about these statistics?  Of course we all know (or have an idea) of the impact Facebook has made on the world and especially amongst teens. However, with staggering numbers like the ones above, we need to realize that tweens and teens are spending much more time in their facebook world than with their parents or others at home. They are potentially being influenced greatly by what they see and who they interact with on facebook. And lastly, so much preoccupation with facebook may not be the “healthiest” usage of their time (especially, as we see above, the average teenager is putting in the equivalent of half a week’s work by their parents… on facebook alone).  These are things to ponder and consider as we prepare the next generation mentally and emotionally.

And….did I mention that their “safety” is also a factor?  Well, we’ll save that conversation for the next post.

Until then….

Blessings!

Traci

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