Brandon Myers’s life, even at the age of 12, was not easy. The child of divorced parents, he was born with a cleft palate and after several surgeries, he still suffered from an obvious speech impediment.  His attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and depression were treated via prescribed drugs and the care of the school counselor. However, regardless of these measures, Brandon endured constant harassment and bullying from classmates.  While not fully confirmed, it is strongly believed that bullying prompted Brandon’s suicide in February 2007. A note was found where he stated that he had enough of this “crappy life”.  (http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory?id=4139504)

Social media has also, inadvertently, contributed to the bullying epidemic. Megan Meier, age 13, killed herself after receiving hurtful messages via MySpace. Thus, social pressures, on and off line, are equally enormous and can heap abundant stress on young psyches.

More recently, Seth Walsh, a 13 year old from California, hanged himself from a tree just outside of his home. Billy Lucas from Indiana, as a result of being mercilessly called a “fag” on a regular basis from other students, also chose to end his young life via hanging. He was 15. And even in college, students are not immune to the effects of bullying. Tyler Clementi, Rutgers University freshman, killed himself by jumping off a bridge when it was revealed that Tyler’s roommate secretly recorded Tyler engaged in sexual activity with another male student. This video was then blasted over the internet. (http://www.yumasun.com/news/page-65064-baughman-bullying.html)

Bullying is a form of abuse. It can consist of mental, emotional, or physical abuse. It involves “repeated acts over time attempting to create or enforce one group or person’s power over another group or person, thus an ‘imbalance of power’.” In schools, one student or a group oftentimes will bully another student or a group of students. Others may participate or watch due to social pressure and/or trying to “fit in” with the popular crowd. And some research suggests that “normal” school children may not consider bullying as serious or unacceptable as much as adults do; some even enjoy it.

There is a rise in anti-bullying programs across the US.  Families are more apt to seek a legal recourse when offenses happen than in previous years.  And disabled or special needs students who have felt the embarrassment and emotional turmoil of bullying are fighting back by suing the school and/or school board.

A recent nationwide survey, where more than 15,000 students in 6^th – 10^th grade were polled, revealed the following:

30% reported having been involved in bullying

11% were targets of bullying

13% admitted being bullies themselves

6% said they had been both the bully and the victim.

The above map shows the progress of laws being implemented to combat the growing bullying epidemic. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:School_bullying_laws_in_the_United_States.svg)

Dark Blue: Law prohibits bullying of students based on sexual orientation and gender identity; bullying for other reasons is allowed

Royal Blue: Law prohibits bullying of students based on sexual orientation only; bullying for other reasons is allowed

Light Blue:  School regulation or ethical code for teachers that address bullying of students based on sexual orientation

Yellow:  Law prohibits bullying in school but lists no specific categories of protection

Red:  No statewide law that specifically prohibits bullying in schools

Has your teen or tween experienced bullying in school? Do you know of anyone who has been the victim of bullying? What has been the impact on their lives? Do you think enough is currently being done to counteract this growing menace in schools? We welcome your thoughts and comments.

Until next time…

Traci

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While most of us are focused on the persistent recession, the rise of the unemployment rate, the more frequent occurrence of natural disasters, and, of course, celebrity gossip , there is a growing plague that will have a huge impact on the future of us all – illiteracy. As always, this particular menace is ever quiet, but also ever present in our society. According the Department of Communications and Public Affairs, illiteracy is a very expensive menace – costing American taxpayers about $25 billions dollars a year. To make matters worse, it is estimated that over 44 million adults are illiterate in the US and this number increases, on average, by 2.5 million each year. Illiteracy, along with poor communication skills, is a major contributor to criminal behavior, mental disorders, and teen suicide.

Among poverty stricken homes and neighborhoods (of which many are headed by a single parent), the illiteracy rate is out of control!  Since 46-51% of US adults are illiterate, they live below the poverty level.  Women, who are the head of most single parent households, account for two-thirds of the overall number of illiterate adults in the US.  In areas where poverty is prevalent, women who are illiterate bear five to six children on average whereas their more educated counterparts have only two children on average.  And, it has been determined, that the more access to education  and literacy skills an adult has, the greater the chances their children will succeed in school.

These following statistics paint an even bleaker, but factual, picture of the seriousness of illiteracy:

70% of people with the lowest literacy skills have no full or part time job.
75% of unemployed adults are illiterate.
75% of employed adults have difficulty reading and/or writing.
75% of those on welfare cannot read.
60% of American prison inmates are illiterate.
85% of juvenile offenders have difficulties reading

Given the statistics above on adult illiteracy, coupled with the growing obsession teens have with social media and computer games, it is not surprising that the notion of reading a book – I mean an actual book – has fallen by the wayside.  Teens and tweens emulate their parents and/or the adults in their lives.  It is not only crucial for adults to take their literacy seriously for their own livelihood, but it is also crucial for the future livelihood and survival of their children.  Illiteracy is a growing issue and only through the enforcement of reading in schools, in communities, and at home with parents (single as well as dual-parent homes) will our teens have the reading skills they need for a better future.

Until next time….

Blessings!

Traci

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Sure, the term “Back to School” conjures up images of yellow school buses, lunch boxes, school uniforms, and a quieter household!   But, there is another type of “back to school” image that we are starting to see a lot more of….single parents hitting college campuses. Colleges are seeing a huge increase in the number of older, returning students on their campuses. And many of these students have children. More and more single parents are realizing their dreams of graduating from college and obtaining a more satisfying and better-paid career or business. Still, there are many single parents who want to quit their current job, but are afraid of the “risk”, especially in light of the current economic climate. However, isn’t it MORE of a risk not to invest in your future, which in turn affects the future of your children?  Shifting from a “fear-based” mentally to an “investment-based” mentality can make the difference. Think of going to college for four years as an investment. You are “investing” in your talents and the return on that investment will be evident after four years of your time. All advancement in life requires a level of risk; but that risk could yield big dividends for you and your household.

So now that we have the “fear” notion nipped at the bud, how can single parents comfortably afford to attend college? Well, the good news is that there are more and more scholarships and grants available to assist the single parent demographic. If you start your search on the internet, there will be many annoying pop-up ads or links that offer thousands of dollars in free money; unfortunately, most of these offers are not legitimate and many single parents have fallen victim to these scams. Start your search by directly contacting the schools you are interested in attending.  Many have localized scholarships tailored to the single parent.

There are also some national resources that the single parent can tap into. Here is just a sample of what is out there:

Women’s Opportunity Awards

The “Women’s Opportunity Awards” is a program is sponsored by www.soroptimist.org.  These must be submitted through the State, City, or Region in which you live. They accept applications between July 1st and December 1st each year.

The Jeannette Rankin Foundation

“The Jeannette Rankin Foundation” provides single parent scholarships to single mothers ages 35 and older. The applicant must currently be enrolled in an accredited college program and must show financial need because this scholarship aims to help those in the low-income bracket.

“Raise the Nation”

“Raise the Nation” is a program that offers single parent scholarships to not only single mothers, but also their college aged children. They offer continuing education scholarships, loan repayment grants, and scholarships for children who have been raised by a single mother only.  A small fee required ($20) for processing the student’s application.

The Assistance League

“The Assistance League” is a foundation that offers several single parent scholarships (single moms AND dads) to deserving applicants every year. This foundation has several programs that are community based to help single parents to return to school.

This is really just the tip of the iceberg. Start with the above, but be strongly encouraged to seek additional sources at the local level. You may be surprised at just how easy returning to school for the single parent can be!

Until next time….

Blessings!

Traci

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There has been a great debate over the years as to whether or not a single parent environment negatively affects children or not. Now, we all know that each case has its own particulars and not all cases involving a single parent environment are the same. But there are studies that show some negative effects on some children raised in a single parent environment. Here are just some of the problems your child may (or may not) have when being raised in a single parent environment. Think of these as food for thought.

Let’s start with education. Studies have shown children that are raised in a single parent environment have lower grades than those who are raised in a home with both parents. This can be in a home where the child has always been raised by one parent or in homes where a divorce or separation has recently taken place. Studies also show children raised in a single parent environment are less likely to go to college or take steps to continue their education. There are also a higher percentage of drop outs that were raised in a single family home. While the data gathered in this study may be true in some cases, I have to be honest and politely add a rebuttal. I was raised by a single parent who was not formally education. But, because of her support, I excelled in school. I also have many friends and associations from single parent homes also did pretty darn good in school as well!  While I am not discrediting this study, I will say that a child’s performance in education should not be based on the number of parents in the home. Is it more challenging for single parents, well, of course it is. But should it be allowed to grow into a negative factor for kids and teens? Absolutely not!

We have also recently learned that there is a negative effect on children’s behavior particularly during the first year of a separation or divorce. This occurs for a number of reasons. The first reason is that the child is not receiving an equal amount of affection and attention from both parents. Studies show children act more calmly when both parents are in the home and are able to pay attention to their children. Another reason your child may act out, particularly during the first year is that the parent who has the custody or even both parents may act distant and not be able to pay as much attention to the child as they were able to before. Many parents find themselves distracted and allow their child more freedoms than they are used to and that they will not discipline like they would before the divorce or separation. I have talked to many folks who were the product of a divorced household when they were young. In almost all of the cases, there was indeed a rough “adjustment” period for the child. Because of this, it is so very important for those parents who are separating to do so as amicably as possible.

Lastly, there are studies that state children who are raised in a single parent environment may be more prone to depression. There are times where a single parent environment may be more stressful than a home with two active parents. This can cause a negative effect on their ability to concentrate and find enjoyment in things and activities they once liked. Unfortunately, this study does ring true in most cases. In a poll we conducted in 2008, most of those we talked to did recall a period of personal depression over not having their mom or dad at home. Some cited a brief depression period. Others succumbed to a depression that adversely affected their lives over a long period of time. Either way, the mental health of children in single parent homes should never be taken lightly. The effects can be far reaching.

Blessings!

Traci

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