About ten years ago, if you were a single parent, people would tend to think negative thoughts about you. Currently, being a single parent is still looked at more negatively than if you are married with kids. But, due to so many celebrities who cohabitate and are not married plus the divorce rate being constantly thrown in our faces by the media, being a married parent today is not viewed as being the only right way. We are also in a day and age where, oftentimes, woman are earning more than their male counterparts and opt to have a child alone instead of walking down the aisle first. While I am personally a STRONG (I can not emphasize this enough) proponent of the “married with children” scenario, there are a number of factors why somebody could be a single parent. If it’s better for the kids, based on the situation at home, then it should be looked at more positively. And more people are starting to do just that.

Children are still taught, in most homes, that you should be married before you have children. This is absolutely the best advice. But since many parents no longer stop supporting their teen if the teen were to go out and get pregnant, it can send a mixed message. Even if you are a single parent, it’s better to teach your child to be married before having children because it is always better for a child to grow up with two parents, and parenting is much easier with two adults in the home. I think most single parents out there may agree with me on that one?!

Now if you are in a nightmare of a marriage, where one of the spouses is abusive to the child or the other spouse, or both, then most people would be advised on leaving that type of marriage.  I am a strong proponent of seeking spiritual counseling as the first remedy to save a marriage. But, this requires the active and sincere participation of both husband and wife. Unfortunately, this does not always yield a positive result either. People may not like the fact that you were ending your marriage, but they would respect you for it especially if efforts were made to save it. And it’s always better to be respected for something that benefits you and your family, especially your kids, rather than being liked by strangers, being unhappy, and let’s not forget…being abused!

Of course, when two people are forced into marriage because the woman is pregnant, then it’s usually harder to make the marriage work because they are only there for one reason. Can it work? Sure…if both are fully committed to trying their best and fully committed to relying on their faith and spirituality to help. But if the commitment is just not there on both parts, then this is not a healthy relationship to foster although there are many people who do stay “just for the kids.”

Thankfully, our present generation is a lot more understanding than it was twenty years ago. Most folks understand that most single parents did not set out to raise their children single handedly. For this reason, single parent homes need our sincere support and respect. But being married with a child will probably always look the best to people, but more importantly, married with a child is usually best for the child.

Blessings!

Traci

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