Part II: “There Is No Time Like Quality Time”

“Personal example carries more weight than preaching.”
Chinese Proverb

So now that we have the “basics” out of the way [refer to the blog post "How to Instill 'Good' (no wait...'Great') Character in Your Teen or Tween" Part I: The Basics], we can move on to the value of spending quality time together. Many teens and tweens are seeing their parents less and less these days. Whether you are a single parent or a household blessed to have BOTH parents living happily together, the need for more than one income to survive is more a necessity than ever before. So, how do we deal with this reality? We have to get a little “creative” in how and what quality time really is all about. Make sure that whatever amount of time you have together that it truly is time of, well, QUALITY! (and no, I do not mean sitting silently together watching the news or maybe not so quietly while you watch the latest episode of “American Idol”). Here are some ideas that may help to start churning those mental juices of how to incorporate quality time into the life of you and your teen (and for that matter….quality time with the adults in your life as well):

1. Breaking Bread…without the TV!: Since I already mentioned the television, I will start with this point. It is nearly impossible to have quality conversation and “connect” with each other when you are competing with the latest episode of “The Mentalist” or the season finale of “The Bachelor”. Mealtime, for most families, is one of the few times when everyone is together in one place at the same time. Why not make the most of it? Even if this does not occur everyday, make it a time that not only you, but your teen also, will look forward to. Talk about not only what is happening in your day to day lives, but talk about current events and how each of you may feel about it or interpret it. Bring up issues that may weigh on your minds and talk openly about it. After a while, this type of interaction may prove to be even more entertaining and fulfilling than what TV (in general nowadays) has to offer.

2. Pray Together and Stay Together: Regardless of your chosen religion or faith, the need for a spiritual foundation is key to you and your teens (or tweens) mental and emotional health (and studies have shown that those who practice some form of spirituality have a lower incident of heart disease and depression). So, why not make this an activity you do together on a regular basis? It can start as simply giving thanks for things that happened to each of you that day. Then, it can grow into a more dedicated prayer and worship time. The point here is not only to spend quality time together, but to also make it quality time to grow together spiritually as well.

3. Action Pact!: We all know that as tweens become teens, they want to spend more and more time with their friends and less with mom and/or dad. And in this day and age of Blackberry’s and IPads, we all “live and breathe” by our already too cluttered schedules (and this includes teens too). However, and I speak from experience now that my own mother is no longer with me, the times I spent doing things with her as a teenager are some my fondest memories. Why not carve out a specific day and time (movie night on Fridays, or mall time on Saturdays, or going to the zoo or park once a month) and make it a set appointment!? Make it a top priority and stick to it…no excuses and no cancellations. Memories will be captured for a lifetime and the bond between you will be strengthened.

4. Have a service plan: And to piggy-back off of the previous point, try to incorporate community service, together as a family, into those schedule activities. While it is very important to help others as much as we can, you can also help the relationship and bond between you and your teen/tween by simply picking a service-oriented activity (like serving at the local food pantry or volunteering at a nursing home) to do together. This will also, by default, help to instill better character and a sense of duty in your teen as well.

5. The lost art of reading: While modern technology is fantastic…it has also created a “lone wolf” mentality in many teens as well as adults. It is soo easy to come home, jump on the computer and check email without saying a word to your spouse, your parent, etc. It is easy to totally ignore what someone is saying in order to concentrate on the text message you are sending out. Waaayyy back when, before computer, TV, and even radio, families had to rely on each other for entertainment. One way they spent time together was to read aloud to everyone. This practice has truly become a lost art. Now, even if sitting around a fire reading to each other does not appeal to you (I, frankly, like the idea)…you can take this general idea and find a way to incorporate reading as a family as a way to spend quality time with each other.

I hope you find these ideas just the “tip of the iceberg” as they say! Please try to find other creative ways to get that much needed quality time. And, we will talk about some ideas to help prepare teens for adulthood in the next post. See ya then!

Blessings!

Traci

By the way…did you like this post? If so, please comment and get regular blog updates! Just click on the orange RSS icon under the “Connect With Me” section RMEFDAST4NQR

We have come a LOONNGG way from the “baby boomer” generation (the generation of my older siblings) who suffered through civil rights, Watergate, and the Vietnam war to the current generation whose main dilemmas seem to be “Which cell phone do I buy or do I just get an iPad instead?” Don’t get me wrong, the current generation (those born between 1982 and 2002) may very well be saddled with an enormous economic debt (trillions of dollars potentially) and a defuncted social security system. Not to mention a severe lack of funds and help for college. But, it appears most teens aren’t too concerned with these potential disasters. I, for one, do not see many teens out rallying and protesting against these ills. Instead, they seem very preoccupied with material things, celebrity obsessions, and seeing themselves on YouTube.

To me, self-entitlement is on the rise and public service is taking a nose dive, in general, with the current generation. I guess the real questions to ask are: Is this generation, focused on “me, myself, and I”, the product of the too much parental spoiling? Or are they correct in taking a more “positve attitude” approach to things and not worrying about the challenges that lay ahead for them? Could generation “Me” simply be displaying more self-assurance than previous generations who were quicker to take more drastic measures ( i.e. protests, riots, sit-ins)?

Hmmm…what do you think? Please do provide comments on this post…can’t wait to hear from you all!

Blessings…

Traci

By the way…did you like this post? If so, please comment and get regular blog updates! Just click on the orange RSS icon right below, under the ”Share and Enjoy” section 

Part I: “The Basics”

“Character is, for the most part, simply habit become fixed.”
C. H. Parkhurst

I love this quote. It is simple and to the point! To have great character which, by the way, GREATLY determines the course of our lives, is simply the application of certain habits that become “fixed” in our psyche. We then begin to act like we think. And the sooner we develop those certain habits, the better off we are on the road of life. Preparing a teen or tween to have great character [in addition to learning math, history, biology, and all of that other “fun” high school stuff ] will have a profound and lasting effect on their lives. And how do we prepare them? Well, we will talk about at least 20 ways to get them off to a great start in the area of character, but for right now, let’s talk about the very easy common sense things we all too often take for granted. Or, what I like to call….the “basic” stuff:

1. BE A MODEL! (Of good character that is): Your teens and tweens are around you a lot. And what they see regularly will surely rub off. Practice good character yourself and they will take it in like a sponge.

2. Have and Explain Values: Your tween or teen should have a very clear understanding of who you are and what you stand for. They need to also know WHY you believe what you believe. Morality is an issue that needs to be first discussed at home so when your teen or tween is out and about in the real world, they can make decisions from a firm (and positive) moral foundation.

3. Show R-E-S-P-E-C-T: It is hard for anyone to respect someone who does not respect others or their selves. Why should teens or tweens be any different? If you show constant and consistent respect for your spouse, your friends, your parents, your neighbors, or even the mailman, this will instill a respect attitude in your teen or tween. And guess what? You will more often than not get that respect shown to you in return.

4. Good “Home Training”: Home training is just another way of saying “having good manners”. Saying thank you, opening the door for an older person or lady, wiping up after they make a mess, putting things away when they are done using then, making up their bed, etc. etc. Sounds like pretty insignificant stuff, huh? Well, they are not. The enforcement of these very basic things have long reaching effects later on how a teen or tween may view life and/or treat others. As most things do…..it all starts at home.

Like I said earlier, these are the basics, but very important basics. We will talk about the importance of time in the next post. See ya then!

Blessings!

Traci

By the way…did you like this post? If so, please comment and get regular blog updates! Just click on the orange RSS icon right below, under the ”Share and Enjoy” section 

In a time where many ills are plaguing our youth – celebrity worship is, arguably, at an all time high, teen pregnancy is back on the rise, gang participation and violence are more prevalent, and teen anxiety and depression issues are more common than 30 years ago- the need for a strong spiritual foundation is critical to the future of our teens. While many of us adults grew up with some semblance of a spiritual reverence, many teens today are seeking that spiritual foundation on their own. Oftentimes, it is after they are full-fledged adults that they fully understand the importance of this aspect in their lives. However, the reliance on faith and spirituality needs to be cultivated at a much younger age.

It has been found that between the ages of six and twelve is the time period where family values and moral behavior have the most effect on the spiritual values a young person will have. This is before they even become a teenager! No wonder that children and teens from broken or dysfunctional homes have such a hard time trying to develop a sense of spirituality later in life. Add to this mix the modern day issues cited above, and it is clear that our teens today are being spiritually attacked on all sides.

Ironically, teens, if they grew up in a spiritually grounded home, will inherently adopt a since of spirituality within without purposely trying to do so. Their minds are conditioned from the daily behaviors and words that they observe from their family members. Thus, it is imperative that we adults are not only mindful of our actions in terms of what we say and what we do as it relates to everyday life, but we have to carry this same “mindfulness” into how we live our spiritual lives as well.

*** I delve more into spirituality as a practical foundation, coupled with other practical methods to help teens develop emotionally and mentally in my new book “The C.H.A..M.P. Within”. Take a look at www.thechampinyou.com today!

Blessings!

Traci

By the way…did you like this post? If so, please comment and get regular blog updates! Just click on the orange RSS icon right below, under the “Share and Enjoy” section