Picking up where we left off last month with Spirituality and the Single Parent Part I, the idea of incorporating spirituality into the single parent’s life is multi-faceted. While the obvious areas include praying for strength, guidance, help with finances, or simply wanting to be the best parent they can be, there are more personal, more “mentally challenging” areas that affect the single parent on a deeper level.

The Hamster Effect
Most single parents work at a full time job to support their family, run the household, play taxi cab driver as they cart their kids to and fro and on top of all of that, also take on the additional tasks of things such as car maintenance, budgeting, grocery shopping, bill paying, etc. It is as if they employed on ten jobs simultaneously…not just one. Sleep becomes a rare luxury. Private time is rare if not non-existent. Just as a pet hamster spends most of its day riding around and around on the same endless wheel, so does the life of a typical single parent. This kind of existence is hard enough for two parent homes and/or those who have chosen to be single parents via adoption. However, the truth of the matter is that most single parents did not choose to be single parents. Thus, it is easy for them to succumb to the destructive emotions of bitterness, resentfulness, and loneliness. For these reasons, a connection to a higher power becomes a necessity and not an option. In order for the single parent to continue to be mentally and emotionally effective and healthy in their lives as well as in the lives of their children, the need to “purge” negative emotions and “fill up” on encouragement and hope offers a reprieve from the hamster-like grind. Meditation, even just five minutes a day, could prove invaluable in “resetting” the mental and emotional gauge of the single parent.

Condemnation
While we live in the 21st century, there is still a large segment of society that views single parenthood as the proverbial scarlet letter. Despite the rising divorce rate and even in the case of widows and widowers, single parenthood is often viewed as a situation created through selfishness or irresponsibility. In order to cope, the spirituality of the single parent has fully rely on humility, courage, and trust in God. This is very necessary to counteract the ramifications of condemnation on the psyche of the single parent as well as the trickle down effect this condemnation could have on the children in these homes. Also, many children in single parent homes often blame the parent with whom they live for the loss or absence of the other parent. To properly and effectively deal with the confusion and emotions of their children as well as battle the views of others outside to home, the spirit and mental stability of the parent must be strong and properly grounded. Only through reliance on a source higher than oneself can assist with this day to day battle.
This only scratches the surface of the many areas where a strong spiritual foundation can totally transform the life of a single parent. Oftentimes, a single parent feels they must work harder or perform better than their two parent counterparts for acceptance – acceptance by outsiders as well acceptance by their own children. However, knowing that they are not alone in the struggle and taking time for prayer and meditation can go a long way in taking the edge off of their minds, bodies, and spirit. In the end, not only will the single parent benefit greatly, but so will their children.

Blessings!

Traci

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Just this past week, I read an article that caused some dilemma in my spirit….it stated that researchers, based on recent studies, believe that spanking kids will actually lower their overall IQs. Now, we all have heard the numerous arguments and debates about spanking and its possible link to child abuse. But now, spanking can also impede a child’s mental development, too? While I am not a proponent of excessive spanking to keep a kid in line (that really is crossing over into the area of abuse), I will say that I firmly believe that there are times when a little spanking is warranted. But, that spanking should be coupled with talking and helping the child to understand the error of his/her ways. My mother was very old school. She was a firm believer in the biblical verse “spare the rod, spoil the child”. However, I honestly can not recall more than one spanking from her. Just her voice and/or look was enough to let me know that I was in the wrong… and that I better straighten up FAST! We talked quite a bit as well, so it was a good balance.

We are in a day and age where the pressures on single parents (both single moms and single dads) are enormous. We have seen children being abused, neglected, and abandoned more than ever in recent years. In the midst of this pressure to be perfect and raise perfect children, some parents have released their own frustrations out on their kids and this is unacceptable. However, do you think it is “fair” to associate needed chastisement (i.e. occasional spanking) with an overall lower IQ of kids? If you agree with the notion that a child’s intellect will be adversely affected by spanking, then, what is acceptable chastisement? Is the “spare the rod, spoil the child” proverb not applicable today and if so, why?

In upcoming episodes of “Heroes at Home Radio” we will get into issues such as these and more. Stay tuned!
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